honest conversation by shush now; a review

Many of my neighbors are aware that the Voxer shush now has written a novellette (novena? ;)) entitled honest conversation.  I have used lower case deliberately, as both the title page and the inside flap do so (shades of e.e. cummings).  I have been fortunate enough to receive a copy, and finished the book on Thanksgiving Day. 

Before I gave my impressions, I decided to pass the book onto a friend to read, for his impressions.  As some of you may be aware, I am not religious in the traditional sense of the word.  I have a belief in a Higher Power, the details of which I choose to keep to myself.  While my relationship with my Higher Power is of paramount importance to me, it does not manifest itself inside organized religion in any fashion.  Outside of the occasional wedding or funeral or ceremonial event important to a friend (or AA meetings), I never set foot in religious structures.  My friend, on the other hand, considers himself a Christian, and is a devoted churchgoer.  I would go so far as to term him a conservative Christian.  He is also the type of Christian who lives what he believes, so I thought his viewpoint would be useful to me.

Let's start with my take:

honest conversations is a passionate tale.  shush now tells the story of controversy inside of a mainstream church, which arises out of the decision of a gay male couple to join the church.  The story is told from the perspective of the associate pastor of the church, Zoe,  who is willing to put her career on the line in advocating that the church accept the gay couple.  This is not, as one might imagine, a universally admired position.  Her pastor, torn by his understanding of doctrine, and also by fears related to his own position, is skeptical that hers is the correct position.  Some of the congregants have chosen to take a position passionately in opposition to Zoe's position.  The church is in danger of being irrevocably split.  As if that weren't enough, Zoe is ambivalent about the need for a relationship in her own life, an ambivalence which is tested at the controversy unfolds. 

The book opens with a conversation between Zoe and the pastor, John.  Here is a snippet which will give you a flavor of how that goes:

John walked in and smiled at me.  I smiled back and motioned to the empty seat across the table from me.  He came and sat down, immediately opening his briefcase and smacking his Bible down on the table between us.  "You didn't bring yours," he asked.

"I know well enough to always bring a gun to a gunfight," I said.  "It's in my purse, like usual."

shush now does not take the easy path in telling this story.  While Zoe's position is the one she would have us support, she does not blithely dismiss the concerns of the other side.  In her telling, there are no perfect people.  The characters are drawn with shades of goodness and of weakness.  Even her "villain", long-time church member Tilly Halliwell, truly believes herself to be acting in the best interests of the church.  What is the church called to do?  To accept those who it believes are deliberately sinning as members, in order to minister to them, or to keep the church free of those who would deliberately sin? 

Now, the answer is clear to me.  I don't even think that homosexuality is a sin.  But this book is intended for an audience which struggles with that question, not for me.  It was here that my friend came in handy.  I asked him for his take.  He told me not only did the controversy ring true, but that his own congregation has suffered from it.  A lesbian couple came to the church, which raised all sorts of ruckus.  After two weeks, the couple stopped coming.  shush now looks at how church actions like this can damage devout Christians who find themselves to be gay.  Here is Kyle, the member of the gay couple raised as a Christian, describing his torment which had driven him from the church before:

"And then I couldn't take it anymore.  I couldn't stand hating myself.  I couldn't stand trying to win myself back into God's graces.  I couldn't stand being in a church every Sunday where I knew that all the other parishioners thought I was going to burn in Hell for a sin I wasn't aware of having committed.  They treated me like the plague, because if I was attracted to other boys that meant God had cursed me.  And you know what?"

"What?" Evan and I said in unison.

"Every time I read the Bible the only people I see God cursing are the hypocrites."  Kyle choked back tears again, "and I wasn't a hypocrite.  I was a scared little kid that only wanted to please everyone else and never even thought of what he wanted, until I wanted Milo.  And if I had to choose between a God that cursed me and a boy that looked like a god, well, what do you think a sixteen year old boy would choose?"

shush now raises some important issues in this book.  Should homosexuality be considered in a different class from other sins?  If church members gossip, drink to excess, if a heterosexual couple not yet married wishes to join, are these people somehow different or better than homosexuals called to church?  My Christian friend found that point to be the most compelling.  shush now also asks whether we are called to love first or to judge first.  I know my answer to that question.  Love first, last, and always.  The cornerstone of her argument comes from 1st John 4:

We love because he first loved us.  If anyone says "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar.  For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.  And he has given us this command: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 

This book is shot through with love in all its forms, inherently inconvenient and messy.  Husbands and wives, parishioners and church, parents and children, lovers, even those who aren't looking for it. are touched.  And above all, God's love and presence.  One of my favorite passages in the book is related to the latter:

It is a proven fact that major events in life are never spaced at reasonable intervals.  Life tends to go on in long meandering phases of banality after banality, followed by seasons of shear[sic] insanity where so much happens you feel it could fill up years of your life.  Sometimes it's good somethings piled on one another, more often it's bad.  This is God's way of reminding you that he is God and you are mortal and you depend on him to not become a drooling idiot.

There are also moments where bad is layered on bad layered on bad with an icing of Good, which is God being merciful and reminding you that even though he's in charge and you desperately need him, he wants you to be happy.

I won't reveal too much more about what shush now has written.  The ending is not an ending per se.  All the loose ends are not neatly tied up.  More of the story is yet to be told.  Such is life.  The greater question is whether there is an audience for this message.  I say yes.  Some churches do not need to be told to accept gay members.  Other churches will remain adamant against it.  But there is a large number of churches who struggle between love and fear, faith and doubt, doctrine and message.  Devoted Christians who are unsure.  This book takes a position on that struggle, and it is well worth reading.  Drop shush now a line, if you belong to one of those churches.  Spend a little time and money to explore this struggle with her.  You will not regret it.